Resuscitate
by BadBoysAreBest
Summary: You're a vampire. You don't have to feel. You haven't had a real human relationship in how many years? Then you have the audacity to tell me that life is worth living, when you can't even remember what it was like to be alive. 2x10-2x11. - COMPLETE -
1. At The Edge

**SETTING:** 2x10 'The Sacrifice', the night _after_ (AU). The events in 2x11 'By Light of The Moon' haven't happened yet.

**WARNING:** Language, Dark Themes

* * *

_We're running short on air_  
_Breathe it in, resuscitate_  
_At the edge you see clearly, I was dead, now I'm back to life_  
_And love is a fragile thing_  
_We all stand on a bridge, that's been slowly burning down_

.

.

.

Fading in, fading out... All because she lost the will to fight.

The night is spinning, she closes her eyes and everything is still spinning.

She opens her eyes.

The goddamn stars are mocking her with all their beauty and glory, she no longer burns bright the way they do. She wants to rekindle the flame deep within her heart, but the realist in her knows better. She tried, God, she tried to care about herself; she doesn't anymore.

The vastness of the sky only reminds her that she's not free. She's locked to her life.

She laughs bitterly because she's not even free to die. _They_ don't get it. She wants it to be over. She wants to die.

Her laughter shifts to tears, it's a disgusting character flaw. She wipes her tears, she's tired of crying. Her tears prove she still feels and she only feels sorry for herself. It's narcissistic, really.

She doesn't want to feel. That's the objective, the reason why this self-destruction started hours ago. She breathes deep, knowing it's the best she's felt in weeks. She's able to acknowledge the appeal in masochism. It's the only thing that feels right, when nothing else does.

Still, she'd rather feel _nothing_.

Nothing is the road to _peace_.

She takes a deep breath to shut her feelings out. Over the shingles, she reaches for her discarded iPod, placing it on shuffle, she fades into a song that makes no difference.

She fades into numbness. She fades into the still night, her eyes blur looking back up at the stars, until her eyelids become too heavy to hold open.

She's back in the dark, it's become quite the welcoming place. She doesn't care if she never wakes up again. Somewhere in the dark, she's lost between the beats of the music, the chilling air and the heavy intoxication.

She's lost and he's going _crazy_. It's three in the morning. He's been sitting on her bed for over two hours. He's waiting for her to return from her secret place. When he came in via the window, her beside lamp had been on, but her bed was made. Her cell phone, car keys and personal belongings remain on the counter. He can't stop staring at the items.

He doesn't know what to do. He's worried someone took her. Someone dangerous, someone more dangerous than him. He swears he's seconds away from calling in the cavalry of her loved ones. She's surrounded by love. They would want to know if she went missing in the middle of the night from her room. In fact, he doesn't know how he's the only one that noticed. No, that's a lie, he's always noticed her first.

Through the half open window, his sensitive ears pick up sounds of light music coming from earphones. It's frustrating, he looks out the window, there isn't anyone in the backyard or driveway. He starts to wonder if the house has an attic, maybe he'd finally find her there. At this point of desperation, he's willing to follow any of his hunches.

Not wanting to wake anyone up in the house by leaving her room - not like anyone knew he arrived - he decides to climb on top of the roof. From the roof, he'll find a window to the attic.

His head is shaking in disbelief at the extent of his passion for the missing girl. He's turned into such a sap. It doesn't take much of an effort for him to swing from her bedroom window to the roof. He lands on the roof ever so gracefully.

His eyes burn in _anger_.

He can't believe it.

She's been on the roof the entire time he'd been waiting for her.

She's in her fucking tiny pajamas, the same pajamas from the night he'll never forget, but made her forget. She's there on the roof, wearing those pajamas, laying flat with her eyes closed and headphones on.

He flashes over to her, bends down and yanks the headphones out of her ears.

Her eyes flash open and this time he sees something different in her eyes.

The look in her eyes worries him. He's worried because he doesn't recognize her.

"Damon?" She asks softly, at first she thinks he's part of her dream. He's in her dreams sometimes, strange dreams. "What the hell?" She shouts realizing he's really there, on the roof with her.

He looks at her disbelieving, in anger and confusion. "What are you doing? On the roof?"

She rolls her eyes. She doesn't owe him an explanation. As much as he'd like to think so, he's not her keeper.

He smells the strong liquor emanating from her, a smell he's all too familiar with to mistake. "Are you drunk?" He accuses with a tilted head.

She, once again, rolls her eyes and closes them. She doesn't want to deal with him. Wishful, but not rational, thinking hopes he'll go away if she ignores him.

"Elena." He calls her name in a demanding, superior voice.

Her eyes flash open. He notices how red and puffy they are.

"What Damon? What do you want?" She questions exasperated, this was supposed to be her night, he's ruining it.

"Get down from the roof." He demands like he has the right to order her around.

"No." She scoffs.

"Fine. I'll take you down." He says with smug authority. It would be all too easy for him to grab her and jump down.

"Don't you dare touch me. I mean it, Damon." She's gotten tired of him grabbing her whenever he feels like it.

"Can you not act stupid for two seconds and listen to yourself?"

She glares at him. She sits up slightly, her hands pushing down on the shingles. "Will you fucking give it up already?" She shouts. The neighbors might have heard that one.

He stares at her blankly.

"Just stop. I don't need you to save me." She says bitterly, she _knows_ there's no one left to save. Her body is merely a vessel.

"I can't watch you destroy yourself." He says with a tense jaw. He couldn't bear losing her to something he couldn't fight. He'll always fight for her, he can't help it. She brings the reluctant hero out of him.

"Then stop watching!" She shouts annoyed, her nose wrinkles in frustration. "You're wasting your time. I'm not the girl you want."

He looks at her confused. She's wrong. He's never wanted anyone anymore in his entire existence.

"You don't even know me. Not really." She whispers. "Please leave. I want to be alone."

"Okay. You've had your teenage melodrama moment. Now it's time to get down. It's not safe up here."

"Safe?" She scoffs. "You're telling me what's safe? I've done this before, you know."

"Tried to commit suicide?"

"Sat on my roof." She deadpans looking at him like he's an idiot. Before her parents died, Matt and her were roof buddies. When he was 14, he'd sit on the roof to avoid the chaos inside his house. He chalked it up as a way to get _perspective_. She starts to miss Matt and his roof, he knew a thing or two about _human_ pain.

"Drunk?" He questions with a raised brow.

She laughs sadly, he underestimates her. "More than once." She looks away from him, she refuses to cry in front of him. She hates looking weak around him. Crying would give him another reason to save her. "Leave."

"No."

"I promise not to kill myself. Now will you leave?" She asks, her hands want to strangle him. Her fingers are tense.

"No." He challenges.

He thinks she'll keep fighting.

She won't.

She surprises him by downing a flask, that he never noticed. Her throat burns, but she remains expressionless welcoming the Jack in her body. She stole the flask from Jeremy, it once belonged to their grandfather.

"Goodnight, Damon." She says in an unusually soft voice and closes her eyes. She's fading once again, it looks like she's mastered something after all. She doesn't care anymore, not about her, not about him, not about tomorrow.

* * *

_A/N: This will be a mini-fic (four chaps?). I had to write Dark!Elena after watching 'The Sacrifice'. **Be Good & Review!**_

_Song: Resuscitation Of A Dead Man by Thursday_


	2. Don't Wake Me Up Again

_Ambulance, take me back to the house I was born in_  
_Ambulance, finish it. Don't wake me up again_  
_Ambulance, resuscitate_  
_Breathe in, breathe out. Resuscitate_  
_Blink if you're hearing this_  
_Are we clear?__ Set the charge. Take the hit_  
_Clear! Come on... just one more time_  
_Breathe it in, breathe it in__. While there's still time_

.

.

.

He's looking down at her.

She isn't responding.

She won't open her eyes.

She won't talk.

She told him not to touch her, but he still picks her up. She's leaning down, unsteady in his arms, a sudden sense of déjà vu runs through him. That's right, they've done this before, almost a year ago when he rescued her from the car wreck. His hand is gracing her face, calling her name, but there's still no response.

He shakes her a little.

She fades in.

Her drowsy eyes open in confusion. She doesn't understand what's happening. "St- stop." Elena slurs.

He continues to shake her.

"Mo- mom, I wo- won't do... Won't do it-it ag-again." Elena slurs and fades out, back to black.

His brows are furrowed because she's refusing to respond to him. When her eyes opened, she was vacant, she was looking at him, but he didn't exist to her. He huffs and picks her up bridal style, there's that biting déjà vu again. He holds her close to his chest and gracefully jumps off the roof, landing without incident.

"How many times do I have to apologize?" Elena snaps angrily without slurring, her eyes are squinting before she fades out.

He's willing to bet her question wasn't directed at him, therefore it goes unanswered. He's standing in the backyard, carrying her, he's uncertain what the next move should be. He can't jump in her bedroom window, it won't work with the both of them, he didn't leave it open enough. The front door of the house may or may not be unlocked, but it will run the risk of waking Jenna or Jeremy. He's annoyed beyond belief at her stupidity and stomps to the front of the house.

At the front porch, before even trying the door, he notices her alarming appearance under the light. She's pale, turning _blue_. Her skin is cold, but that's not a surprise, it's the middle of the winter and she's only in tiny pajamas. His hand touch her face, she feels wet, clammy to be exact. He frowns in concern. He doesn't know much about human illness, but he knows she's _not_ okay. He tries to wake her up again. She refuses to verbally respond.

Damon shakes her.

"S-st-Stop." Elena slurs, eyes closed, she feels sick. Her stomach is upset. He's making her feel worse.

"Elena." He calls seriously.

"Elena, look at me." He forces her eyelids open, still calling her name.

"St-op. I'll hurl." She tries to warn him.

"Fine." She whispers, her body is now completely numb, she doesn't even feel the cold. She feels free. Free of the world and heartache.

He's practically shouting at her. He needs to hear her say a coherent sentence. As a last ditch effort, he slaps her at human force, at least he hopes it wasn't too hard.

No reaction.

He looks down at her, waiting for something.

Her body starts _shaking_ in his arms. She's shaking uncontrollably. If he wasn't a vampire, he would have dropped her. Her eyes remain closed. "Is there anyone home?" She whispers, drifting somewhere different. She's no longer with him. She wants to see her parents.

Her body is fighting the intoxication. Her body is built to fight.

Her breathing is slowing down.

He notices.

He's scared she's _not_ going to wake up this time.

He's scared his blood won't fix her.

In this very serious, very human situation, he'll have to take her to the emergency room. He doesn't have a choice. _It's Elena. _He can't risk it.

He would love to be the hero with the 'superpowers' and run them to the hospital, but he resists the temptation. He's worried about what the trip could do to her fragile body. Reluctantly, he gets in the Chevy to drive her. It's nearly four am, surely there won't be any cars out in the small town, at least he can speed.

The drive to the hospital is a mess. His emotions are exploding, he _doesn't_ do exploding emotions. He can't remember the last time he suffered from anxiety. It's uncomfortable. He hates it. His enhanced hearing is picking up her every breath, hoping she'll keep breathing to make it there. The breaths are shallow, few and far in between.

At the hospital, he doesn't bother parking, breaking a law or paying a towing charge are nothing compared to her life. He abandons the car near the emergency entrance. He stumbles in with her through the large automatic doors. She still hasn't opened her eyes.

"I need help." He says in a panic at the reception desk. "Someone, please, she won't wake up."

Two emergency nurses come over and rip her from his arms. She gets tied down to a stretcher, she'll be transported to the ICU. The receptionist ask for details. He's lost the ability to form a sentence without her in his arms. It's weak of him.

One of the nurses recognizes _her_. "It's Elena. Elena Gilbert!" She cries in shock. Dr. Grayson Gilbert, her late father, had been a great doctor in the community. A respected individual.

The nurses are taking preliminary vitals. He hears them counting her breaths per minute.

The hospital's medical records have her basic information - age, allergies, past procedures and illnesses. The receptionist however needs to know what's wrong with her. "Mr. Salvatore, please, I need more information to get her the proper care."

The hospital can guess overdose, but there are many types of overdoes with many types of solutions.

"I think she was binge drinking." Damon says snapping into action.

"How much did she drink?"

"She was drinking hard liquor. I don't know how much. I found her in this condition." He answers hastily. If he were human, he'd have sweaty palms.

"Did she take anything else?"

"I don't know. I don't think so." He replies honestly. He hopes she didn't take anything else.

"Do you any reason to believe this was an intentional overdose?"

Damon swallows thickly. He doesn't want her placed in isolation. He lies. "No."

The receptionist has enough information to relay the staff. She tells him it will be a few hours.

Damon watches Elena wheeled away down a long hallway.

"Can I go with her?" He blurts out.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Salvatore. You don't have her consent to be with her and only family members can be with patients without their consent." She replies, eerily sounding like an automated answering machine.

He curses under his breath, but then remembers he can break the rules, he compels her to give him permission to enter. "Of course, Mr. Salvatore. Let me print out a visitors pass for you." She says dazed under his thrall.

In seconds that feel like minutes, Damon is wearing the tacky sticky badge and walking down the hallway where the nurses wheeled Elena.

On the stretcher, Elena fades in confused, she's hearing fast and strong voices. She can barely open her eyes and she's assaulted by the flashing white. Everything is so _bright_. Her mind is checking out. She closes her eyes and fades out.

The next time Elena fades in, she's choking. Her eyes snap open in a panic. Everything is blurry. Her hands immediately go to her face to find out what's choking her. She's being pushed down. She's being restrained. Strangers are telling her to relax, but she _can't_. She wants to scream, but she _can't_. She's so uncomfortable. The most uncomfortable feeling in the world.

Damon stands to the side watching the nurses work on her. He's horrified, but can't look away. He watched the emergency staff slowly insert a long tube through her nose. Her stomach is being pumped. It's the only way to remove the toxins. She looks fragile and lost. He _felt_ her pain when she woke up confused. The panic in her eyes broke his heart. He wants to help her, but his superpowers can't save her - not from this.

He can perfectly overhear what the nurses are saying during the procedure. Apparently, there wasn't any food in her stomach. They guess she hasn't eaten in at least _two days_.

The worst is when she starts vomiting, it's actually a tragic sight because she's got nothing to give. He can practically hear the _acid_ coming up her throat.

The nurses pump until she's empty. They pump until she's safe.

Her stomach is sore. She's never felt so empty in her entire life.

She passes out in exhaustion.

Eventually, Elena is rolled away and ends up in a nice room with a big window. Damon compelled the head nurse to get her a private room. He can't remember the last time he's had to compel so many people in a short span of time. Since she was a minor, her drinking had legal ramifications and the hospital was required to call her legal guardian, the police, but he made sure no one was called. Thanks to him, she won't be waking up to a welcoming party.

Damon was assured she _would_ wake up, that she wasn't in a comatose state. He almost entered her dreams, but decided against it, he figured she had enough voices in her head for one night.

Two hours later, somewhere between seven and eight in the morning, Elena wakes up. She's disoriented. She immediately notices the various IVs and track marks down her arms, it freaks her out. She starts squirming in bed. The lights are too bright. Her eyes are burning, they feel swollen. It's too painful to keep them open all the way. Her throat hurts like hell. And it's the sickening _empty_ feeling that pulls her together. Bits of the night return to her, rewinding from when her stomach was pumped.

_Damon._

She remembers him.

She remembers him carrying her.

She frowns, looking around the room. He's asleep in the chair to her far left. Her emotions are too fragile to process what everything means or why she's in a hospital room with him. Instead her eyes watch him. He looks innocent, boyishly handsome, there's no hint of his physical strength or turbulent personality. To this day, she had always wondered if he ever slept. He _always_ seems to be awake, any hour of the day, it makes no difference.

She stops thinking about him and goes back to sleep. She has nothing to say to him. She doesn't care. She doesn't owe him anything, she never asked to be saved. She didn't want to be saved. She wanted to be in control of her life - just once.

Hours later, Elena wakes up from the noise of the lunch hour. A nurse walks in the room. Elena grimaces wondering what's under the plastic lids. Hospital food is disgusting. The nurse sets the tray on the table to her right. Slowly, almost hesitantly, Elena turns to her left to see if he's still there.

He's there.

He's awake.

Damon's awake and staring at her with a burning intensity. She's taken aback, before she can react.

Elena's eyes glare in anger, she grabs the apple from the tray and chucks it at him. He's surprised by her outburst, but easily catches the apple before it hits his head. She rolls her eyes and looks away.

"Elena." He says frustrated. At this point he _hates_ her name after repeating it hundreds of times in the past eight hours.

She doesn't reply.

Even if she wanted to talk to him, she can't because she's suffering from a severe sore throat.

He's bitter. If his little brother wasn't stuck in the tomb, he'd be able to 'fix' her or maybe none of this would have happened.

He's mad. He's sad. He's every emotion. He just can't win with her.

* * *

_A/N: Elena had alcohol poisoning (based on the toxicity it can lead to brain damage, coma or death). That's most of the 'action'. D/E talk next chapter. **Be Good & Review!**_


	3. Can You Feel A Pulse?

_We could be the heartbeat and everything nine-tenths collapsed would come back to life._  
_We could be the breath of air pushed into the lungs of the dying._  
_Can you feel a pulse?_  
_It's been stopped for so long._  
_Can you start it?_

.

.

.

It's dark. Her arms keep pushing, she's swimming to the bottom. She's running out of air. She can't breath. She sinks... lower, lower, lower until she emerges.

She emerges in the dark. She's in a narrow concrete tunnel. To the left there's the light and to the right there's the dark. She runs to the dark, she feels safe in the dark. She's running and running at sprinting speed. Her heart is beating widely. She feels the chilling air freezing her muscles. She's so cold to the point where her teeth hurt, but she keeps running. She can't stop. She refuses to stop.

The dark is endless, infinite and all consuming.

She doesn't realize she's outside until she trips over a large tree trunk.

She stumbles down a small hill in the forest.

Her skin is breaking while she rolls down. Her legs and arms are covered in scratches. The scratches look like stitches.

She's in the forest and she doesn't know where to go. Everything looks the same.

Regardless, she gets up and runs more. She needs to keep going. She knows it would be a mistake to stop.

The weather above her starts to shift. The forest is no longer dark. Sunlight starts to shine down through the dark clouds. She thought it was night, she looks up at the sky in confusion. She is greeted by pouring rain. The rain drenches everything, making the ground muddy. The ground is too slippery. She's stuck in place, she can't run any longer.

She starts crying in the rainstorm against a tree in the forest. Her tears mix with the rain. Her eyes are shut.

When she opens her eyes, she's in the shower at her house. The water is scorching hot. It burns her. It's purifying her. It cleans her wounds. It absolves her sins.

She wants to stay in the shower, but she can barely feel her legs. She turns the water off to get out. She can't breathe. She feels like she's dying. She wants to be anywhere else, but home, she can't face being home.

The room is spinning. She sees a thousand reflections in the mirror.

She looks down and she's wearing a navy long sleeve thermal and skinny jeans. She's barefoot. Her hair is still wet from the shower.

She feels sick. The pain is unbearable. She falls down from the pain.

She crawls to the toilet. She's emptying out her stomach.

It's disgusting. She feels disgusting, clutching the toilet against the cold tile floor.

The pounding interrupts her. It's so loud. It's the louder than an ambulance siren.

"Elena!" The woman yells.

She feels tears forming in her eyes. She calls out to the woman. "Hold on."

The woman keeps yelling. The woman sounds disappointed.

She's crawling on the tile floor to open the door. For some reason, she lost the ability to walk.

She can't make it. She collapses, laying flat on her back.

_Her world is ending._

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." She says through tears.

The knocking stops.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." She repeats, over and over.

Then something _different_ happens this time. Something changes the rhythm of the story-line that she knows by heart. She opens her eyes to see a field of sunflowers. She stands there in confusion under the bright sunshine.

* * *

Damon is sitting outside of Elena's hospital room. He's been listening to her cry in her sleep for the past ten minutes. He cheated and pulled her out of the nightmare. She isn't wearing her Vervain necklace, because jewelry is confiscated upon admission to the ICU.

Elena, of course, doesn't know that he helped her out. He placed her in the field of sunflowers. Yet he remains outside the room's door. He isn't emotionally prepared to deal with another one of her outbursts. Earlier when she stirred, she threw an apple at his head and ignored him until she fell back asleep. Of course, he doesn't deserve the hero treatment for saving the fucking damsel in distress._ Typical._ It's so typical, he's close to snapping.

Through the sunflowers, Elena is stirring from her sleep. Her eyelids flutter open. Her cheeks are wet from crying in the nightmare. This time around, she isn't fading into a scene, she's awake and aware of her surroundings. Her eyes land on the IV lines in her arms. She begins to discern the shocking reality... she is still alive. It's the worst thing in the world, she's really, really mad to be alive and it's nothing short of miraculous. She walked away from a total wreck with all of her limbs intact. Now she's worried about living the rest of her life in a worse state than she was before. Essentially, she's stuck with her suffering.

She feels like a stranger is occupying her body. It feels like her soul was ripped from her body during the suicide attempt, but now she's trapped on earth as a living dead person _(the vampire irony doesn't elude her)_. Her senses are going haywire, there's no accurate way to describe how she feels. When she moves her fingers, she is mesmerized by watching them move in slow motion. She can't interpret the sensation of feeling, as if her mind isn't really connected to her body's actions. Her hands are twitching. She's clearly suffering from side effects of the alcohol poisoning.

She needs to get out of the hospital.

She hates the hospital, too many bad memories.

She takes a deep breath and shakily reaches for the phone.

Outside the room, Damon can hear her dialing, but he has no idea who she'll call. He assumes she's calling Jeremy, Caroline or Bonnie.

"Thank god, you're there." She says over the phone. She doesn't recognize her own voice. Her speech is distorted, she literally sounds like a skipping vinyl record. It feels like loads of glue is stuck to the walls of her throat.

"It's Elena." She says. "Yes... really. It's me."

"I'm downstairs. Find me. I need a favor." She says succinctly. She doesn't want to deal with talking.

"When can you come?" She asks worried.

"Okay. Bye." She says relieved.

She leans back against the bed and waits for her lifeline to arrive.

Damon doesn't know what she's planning. He doesn't know if he should go in or wait for her mystery person to arrive.

He decides to wait and see how it plays out.

Approximately, fifteen minutes later, Damon hears her name mentioned at the nurse's station. He looks over and watches a doctor walk over. A male doctor, handsome, a twenty-something year old; this fact makes Damon a little grumpy.

The doctor doesn't stop to greet Damon, instead he strides right into her room.

Dr. Tam stares at Elena in shock. He's known her for years. He was the cute college boy that she had a crush on, but was pointless to pursue given their age gap. He did his residency under her father.

He walks over to her chart to read the details of her admission. "God, kid. What were you thinking?" He whispers.

"I need help." Elena replies in her strange voice.

"Yeah, no kidding." He replies sarcastically.

Elena rolls her eyes.

Dr. Tam laughs at the sight. "Well, if you're eye rolling, I know you haven't suffered any permanent brain damage."

She glares and holds her left arm to him. "Unhook me, already?" She orders.

He sighs and checks her vitals to make sure it's safe. "You could have called a nurse to do this for you." He comments.

"But you have the power to discharge me." She retorts.

Dr. Tam looks at her alarmed. "Are you here alone?" He questions.

She shrugs.

"How did you get here?"

She shrugs.

"I can't discharge you. You need someone to take you home." He says sternly.

"Simon." She says using his first name. "Drive me home."

"I can't..."

"Come on." She pleads. "It's you and me."

Dr. Tam pauses removing her IVs to think about it. "What about Jenna? Where is she? What is she going to think?"

She shrugs. "I don't think she's home."

"Seriously?" He asks incredulously.

She gives him the puppy eye look.

"Elena..." He says warningly. "Stop looking at me like that."

"You owe me." She warns. "You know you do." She used to make him and bring him countless of lunches when she visited her father at work.

"Okay, okay." He surrenders. "I can drive-"

Dr. Tam stops mid-sentence when Damon conveniently strolls in. Elena can't believe Damon is _still_ in the hospital. She vaguely remembers trying to hit him with an apple. _He's the reason she's alive._

Dr. Tam looks at him confused and then back at Elena. "Do you know this person? Where did he come from? I thought you were here alone." He accuses.

"I'm her..." Damon pauses, not sure how to introduce himself. "I'm her friend. Damon Salvatore. I don't believe we've met. You're not her attending doctor."

"Dr. Tam. I'm a surgeon, upstairs." He replies. "Elena asked me to take over."

"Oh, then does that mean she's ready to be discharged?" Damon asks innocently.

Elena glares at him.

"She'll need a couple prescriptions, but I see no reason in her chart to hold her for longer observation." Dr. Tam replies, his voice is professional and clear, a different tone than the one Damon overheard minutes ago.

"Great!" Damon says with fake cheer. "I'll be happy to go over any of her outpatient care."

"You don't-" Elena tries to protest.

"Ah Ah Ah." Damon interrupts. "Just let me handle everything."

Dr. Tam can sense the tension between the pair is thick enough to cut with a knife. "Actually, I'd be happy to take Elena home. I haven't seen her in awhile. I'm an old friend of the Gilberts."

Elena is a momentarily relieved, that is until she watches Damon walk over. "You will process Elena's discharge paperwork and write the necessary prescriptions. You know she's going to be safe and you'll happily release her to me." He compels the young doctor.

Elena gasps in disbelief.

Dr. Tam repeats the instructions and walks out of the room with a smile on his face.

"Why did you do that?" Elena asks Damon. "I asked Simon to take me home!" She wishes her voice was stronger, but it's impossible.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight." Damon replies seriously.

"You've got to be kidding me." She raises her hands in horror.

"I'm going to make sure you don't do something else stupid."

She's frustrated by his smothering. She doesn't want his attention. "I don't want to be saved! Nothing you could have done or said would have stopped me."

"Keep singing that tune _sweetheart_ and I'll let the hospital know. They'll keep you here for another twenty-four hours under suicide watch." He replies, raising a brow.

"You have no right!" She tries to shout at him. "This is a personal thing."

"You're not thinking straight. You need some time to cool down."

"How can you presume to know _anything_? You don't understand me. You can't feel my feelings. When you got to me... there was nothing left. You have no idea."

"I know you're being selfish. Think of all the people that care about you. What about Jenna? Or Jeremy?"

"You're the selfish one! If you cared about me, you wouldn't want me to live like this."

"You're right, I don't want you to live like _this_. But that doesn't mean I want you to die."

"I don't see any proof that things will get better. Some things in life are not resolvable. I tried to care, I did, but every time I cared, things fell apart." She replies, struggling to not cry.

"I get, I do. Life sucks." Damon answers in a softer voice. "It's bad and you have to face the bad to feel the good."

"You don't know anything about good and bad feelings. To you it's all the same!" She rolls her eyes. "You're not listening! I've tried to feel better, but nothing worked. And I've stayed alive for others... you can't imagine the effort it takes to do that. I'm not alive, not really, I'm just living for everyone else."

"Elena." He answers sternly. "Your life isn't over and it's fine if you hate it now. You're _seventeen_! There's still more out there for you to experience."

"I hate you. I hate you for trying to save me." She glares in anger. "I hate you, because you're arguing about something beyond your comprehension. You're _dead_. You're a vampire. You don't have to feel. You haven't had a real human relationship in how many years? Then you have the fucking audacity to tell me that life is worth living, when you can't even remember what it was like to be alive."

Damon is taken aback. For the first time, he can't form a decent comeback.

"When the desire to die is stronger than _love_... that's when a human being contemplates suicide. When there's nothing left, but black, loathsome despair. When you can't stop revisiting the gaping hole of the unbearability of living." She says chillingly. "So, yeah, I've carried on in this _misery_, just going through the motions. But I'm _tired_, I want it to be over. I want to die."

"Elena." He pleads, his voice is soothing. "I can give you _anything_ you want, if you let me. Even that..."

Her eyes widen in realization. "No. I don't want you to turn me." She says firmly.

"Surely, the thought must have crossed your mind." Damon replies. "For Stefan." He adds, insecurely.

She looks melancholic at the mention of her ex-boyfriend, but then she snaps out of it. "I refuse to be seventeen for eternity."

Before Damon can reply, Dr. Tam walks in the room. He's holding the discharge papers and prescriptions.

The pair go through the details and sign everything accordingly. A wheelchair is brought in for Elena, her stomach hurts too much to walk.

After a quick trip to the pharmacy, Damon carries Elena out to his car, which thankfully he was able to move before it got towed. They are silent in the car.

"Where are you going?" Elena breaks the silence realizing Damon wasn't turning down her street.

"You're staying at the boarding house tonight." He answers matter-of-factly.

Elena groans and sticks her head between her knees. Life sucks.

* * *

_A/N: How was it? Intense? So, my outline says this will be 5 chapters. :) PS. Google 'Simon Tam', if you want to see the cutest tv doctor. **Be Good & Review!**_


	4. Live, Live, Live

_Can you feel a pulse?_  
_It's been stopped for so long._  
_Let's restart it._  
_With a kick drum hit_,  
_With a thousand voices,_  
_With a single word: live, live, live._

.

.

.

After finding out Damon's plan, Elena refuses to speak for the rest of the ride to the boarding house. She knows Damon isn't going to let her go, so there isn't any point in fighting. He's faster, stronger, therefore any planned escape would be futile - even jumping out of the car. She keeps her head buried in her knees. He tries to talk to her, but she ignores him.

When the car stops, she gets out and follows him inside. She feels silly in her pajamas, but it doesn't matter too much to actually bother her. She drags her feet upstairs, he annoyingly flashes in front of her. She glares at him.

"What?" She asks dejected.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm tired, Damon. I need more rest." She replies with a pointed look.

His face is expressionless. "Okay."

"Okay, you'll let me sleep?" She asks incredulously.

"That's fine, but I'm not leaving you alone, even in the house."

She doesn't have the energy to fight. She shrugs, moving around him to continue going upstairs.

Damon expects her to sleep in Stefan's room.

She doesn't walk in the direction of the room.

Instead, she walks down the hall to pick a guestroom at random. She's about to pick the one right next to _his_ room.

"Not that one. The heat doesn't work well." He explains, grabbing her and directs her into his room. He expected her to put up a fight or talk to him, but she doesn't, she's quiet and compliant.

She doesn't comment walking into the bedroom. It's obviously not _just_ a guestroom, but the significance doesn't register in her head. Her eyes are only focused on the four poster bed, she walks to it like a zombie. Within seconds, she's cozy under the covers and fast asleep in a ball. He's thought of her in his bed countless of times, but never like this. Not like this, not when she doesn't care where she sleeps or wakes up.

The brightside of getting her in his room is at least he's comfortable around his stuff. He's got the home advantage, so to speak. And yeah, he admits it, he's kinda excited that his bed is going to smell like _her_.

He picks up a very, very boring vampire mythology book (that he's been reading for days to find a way to save her life) and crashes on the small couch in front of his bed.

After staring at her for a solid fifteen minutes, he shoves away the acute feelings of love sickness and continues with the boring research.

In the middle of one ancient text and another, Elena begins to toss in bed. At first, Damon assumes she's waking up, but then realizes she's having another nightmare. He's not sure, she looks uncomfortable, but she hasn't started sobbing. Unable to fight the temptation, he decides to go into her dream as an invisible viewer.

She's back in the dark water again. She's running out of air. This time she isn't diving to the bottom, this time she's trying to swim up to the surface.

She's swimming, up and up, pushing her body to the max. Her nerves are fire because she knows she's running out of time. She doesn't want to drown, she feels so alone and she needs someone.

While Elena is suffering the swim in the dream, Damon continues to watch and doesn't help her out. He's curious about her choice to live, this story is different than the last.

Through the never ending darkness, she sees the light to the surface. It's bright, bright and full of hope, full of love. She knows she's almost out. When she reaches the surface, she's suffocating, she can't breathe because her lungs have been pushed too far. The tides of the water are pushing against her and she's too weak to keep swimming. The tides are overtaking her.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she's pulled out of the water roughly by strong, large hands. She opens her eyes and she's laying down on a hard concrete floor.

Her gaurdian angel hovers above her.

Damon doesn't recognize the boy in her dream. It's certainly not Stefan or anyone else he recognizes from town. Curious to learn more, Damon invisibly gets closer to hear their conversation.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" The boy shouts, he's angry at her.

Elena is breathless.

"This isn't going to bring me back."

"I know." Elena answers weakly. "Yet every time you save me."

"Elena. I'm your guardian angel, I'm dead, I can't be with you."

"I know." She's crying now, almost hysterically. "I just... I can't help it. You make me feel alive. You always did."

"How long is this game going to go on?" He retorts.

She swallows thickly. "I'm sorry. I tried to stop-"

"Try harder." He says firmly and throws her into the water, which is now a crystal clear pool.

"Tracey! Please!" She calls out desperately, choking on water. She's sinking fast. When she floats back up, he's gone. She's alone and freezing. "Don't leave..." She whispers sadly and closes her eyes.

When she opens her eyes, she's in her bed. Her body is wet, but not from the pool, she's covered in sweat. Her skin is heated to scorch anyone that touches her. She groans and ducks under her sheets. She feels safe when she hides.

Damon is somewhat uncomfortable and aroused by the dream. She's naked under the sheets.

When she opens her eyes, she's fully dressed and the sun is shining. She swears the sun is judging her.

"Elena!" A woman calls from outside her bedroom door. "You're going to be late for school."

Elena tries to get up, but she has a sudden case of vertigo. Her vision is blurry and the room is spinning, round and round, the walls are making fun of her.

It takes a great effort for her to walk downstairs, she can hear her parents arguing in the kitchen. Damon deduces the woman from the other dream must have been her mother.

"I need to put my foot down with her. I don't want her running around with Tracey." Her father says.

"She's young... all girls go through this phase, Grayson. It's the whole bad boy appeal - James Dean and what not. If we forbid it, she'll love him even more. I trust her, you should too." Her mother replies.

"He's too experienced for her! Last night, she tripped on the chair in her room, because she was drunk. She tried to hide it from me, but I could smell the Gin from the doorway." Her father retorts.

"Elena? Drunk?" Her mother replies disbelieving. "She's smarter than that."

Elena's head is still spinning, it's getting worse. The walls are like vast waves making her seasick. Her head is pounding from the worst hangover of her life. It's the perpetual hangover. She can hear her parents arguing, but she never reaches them. She never sees or talks to her parents in her dreams.

She continues walking through the house, which halls are never ending. She's lost, every turn looks exactly the same. She can hear her parents, but she still can't reach them. She opens a random blue door. It's dark inside. She knows it's not the way, but she goes in anyway. She steps inside and instantly free falls down. She screams the entire way down. It's worse than any roller coaster drop.

When she opens her eyes, she's laying down in the graveyard. The hangover disappeared on the trip down, she gets up to look around. She's looking for Tracey or her parents, but she can't find them. The sun is rapidly setting and she's scared. She doesn't know what's going to happen.

She tries to get out of the graveyard, but she can't. No matter which way she walks, she always end up back where she started. She can't stop the tears. This is her personal hell.

She accepts that she's alone in the world and lays down on the grass in a fetal position. When she opens her eyes, she sits up realizing she's in a coffin. The coffin is open. No one is waiting for her to come out.

"I'm alive." She murmurs. Her worst nightmare is living because she feels truly dead inside.

* * *

Back in Damon's bed, Elena's eyes open and her breathing is ragged. She hates that nightmare. It's always the same guilt. She looks up at the ceiling. For a second, she forgot everything, before realizing she was at the boarding house. She doesn't know what to do. If she gets up, she'll have to deal with Damon's constant pestering.

She hates her life.

She's falling apart.

She's sweaty and disgusting. Her hair is in knots. She doesn't remember the last time she showered. Her throat is sandpaper dry. Her stomach is sore and empty. Her fingers are twitchy. She wants to eat, but then she doesn't, she's having problems making any decisions.

Elena jumps slightly in bed, when Damon flashes over to her. She looks at him distastefully for scaring her.

"You okay? That sounded like some nightmare." He inquires softly, pretending like he didn't watch the whole thing.

"I'm fine." She says resentfully with narrowed eyes and sit up in bed. She makes a move to get out.

"Ah Ah Ah, where are you going?"

"I want a glass of water."

"I can get it for you." He offers, almost too sweetly.

"I can get it." She shakes her head. "I should start using my legs more."

He nods in understanding and lets her get out of bed. Of course, he follows her down to the kitchen, there's too many sharp objects for her to 'play' with.

He sits on a bar-stool at the island in the kitchen, watching her as she gets an empty glass and ice.

"What day is it today?" Elena asks confused.

"Saturday." He replies.

Elena is relieved that it's the weekend, she'd be in big trouble if her friends were looking for her at school. She wonders what Jeremy must think. She saw him before everything happened, so it's not like she's been missing for that long.

"Does Jenna know you kidnapped me?" She asks eloquently, while pouring the water.

"I told her we went to breakfast and you're here sick from food poisoning." He replies emotionless.

She nods while drinking her water. "What's gonna happen when Simon visits the house for a follow up?"

He winces slightly at the mention of the young doctor. "I compelled him to think you were okay."

She glares, heavily at him. "That sucks."

"Why because you want him to take care of you?" He snaps.

"Huh? Don't be ridiculous! No, it's just he's a surgeon. I don't like the idea of you messing with his mind. He's too smart to be rewired. It freaks me out."

"You've been freaking me out."

"Oh, please." She replies sarcastically and gulps the last of the water.

She walks around the kitchen and marches back upstairs.

"You going back to bed?" Damon asks, calling after her.

"No. I'm going to shower." She drawls out and walks into Stefan's room.

"There isn't a shower in here." He says annoyed.

"I know." She rolls her eyes. "I'm getting a change of clothes."

Damon thought she would end up wearing Stefan's sweatshirt or something. Instead it looks like she's grabbing some of her own clothes. Unfortunately, she'll probably end up freezing because the last time she had sex with Stefan, it was still warm outside. Regardless, she'd rather be wearing _real_ clothes than her pajamas, which frankly have started to reek of bodily odors and alcohol. She grimaces.

Elena comes out of Stefan's room and walks across the hall to where the bathroom is located.

Elena moves to shut the door and lock it, but Damon holds it open. He's draining the life out of her. She looks at him with pure hatred.

To his shock, she doesn't say anything in protest, she simply lets go of the door and walks into the bathroom. She drops her clothes on the floor and sits on the counter. He stares at her, it's driving her crazy.

"What Damon? What do you want?" She asks exasperated. All she can think about is getting clean.

He swallows and doesn't say anything, he turns to open the supply cabinets. She watches him in confusion. "There's no way I'm agreeing to shower with you." She warns.

In his hand, he's holding razors and grooming scissors. "Get your mind out of the gutter." He scoffs. "I'm just making sure you can't cut or pull any other surprises on me."

"Your concern for me is touching." She says sarcastically, not even looking at him, getting down from the counter. She walks over to the tub to fill it with hot water. "What, Damon?" She asks annoyed, she knows he's staring, even though she's facing away.

"What happened to you?"

"What are you on about?" She turns and snaps at him.

"Ever since you got Rose to..."

She looks at him seriously. "I've thought about killing myself before Klaus happened."

He looks at her confused.

"The idea of sacrificing myself for the people I love only made the decision easier to make."

"I don't understand."

"Then don't understand." She rolls her eyes. "I already told you how I felt at the hospital. I'm sorry if you're expecting something else. I don't have any other grand explanation for you."

"We're going to find a way to get Stefan out of the tomb." He argues, no matter how much he doesn't want to talk about his little brother.

"I'm sure you'll find a way. But when he gets out, we'll still be broken up." She says flatly.

"You guys will get back together." He can't believe the words just left his mouth.

"If I wanted him back, we'd be back together." She retorts. "But I don't care."

Damon looks at her doubtfully. "You're lying. You love him."

"I do, but it's not enough."

His brows furrow in frustration. "But you said _it's always gonna be Stefan_. What happened to that?" He snaps.

"I don't care!" She says getting riled up. "If I was in love with him, then I wouldn't have left with Rose. If he was my reason for living, then I'd never consider dying, instead I'd do everything possible to fix this Klaus crap. If I cared, I'd do everything to keep us together... because that's what people do when they're _truly_ in love. They can't walk away."

Damon is trying to not choke with emotion. He doesn't understand how she can be so _blind_. She can't see that he's in love with her, that he'll never walk away, or maybe it's worse and she just doesn't see him at all.

"Sure looked like you were still in love with him when you found out he was in the tomb." He reminds her.

"I emotionally reacted to the fact that Stefan is in there because he saved my brother." She answers coolly. "Trust me. It doesn't feel good knowing everything my brother and Stefan are doing is to save me from the moonstone spell."

"Elena, I-"

She doesn't let him reply. "Enough!" She walks to the tub and turns the water off. "Just get out."

He tries to say it again.

"Don't make me throw something at you." She says half-mad, half-teasing, remembering the apple in the hospital.

This time he lets her win and surrenders, he walks out of the bathroom, letting her take a bath. He doesn't know if it's a bad thing to find her sexy, even in her damaged condition, that he's aroused beyond belief picturing her naked in the tub. Not to mention, it doesn't help that he recently saw her naked, even if it was in her dream.

The last dream confused him. He guesses it was rather stupid of him to assume there weren't any other guys in her life before Stefan. He knew she dated Matt for a long time, but never put any attention on the subject. The guy in her dream, Tracey? - he wasn't some high school nobody. From what Damon gathered, she liked the guy, but he died. There was a mess of emotions in the dream, he could tell she felt guilty for betraying her parents' trust and getting wasted, but she also seemed nostalgic for her old life. He knows she probably misses Tracey and the partying, but her current life is so far from any of it.

Then there's death and water, both dreams revolved around the themes, clearly eluding to her parents' car crash. The crash were they drowned and died, but she lived. It's sad, Damon wonders how long she's been living with survivors' guilt. He's guessing there's more to the story, like something happened between her parents and her before the crash, something she can't forgive herself for.

The girl is a mess. He gets it. She has every right to be. She's been through a lot.

However how grand her pain might be, he won't let her go. He needs to figure out a way to convince her that life is worth living.

A hefty task for him. He's anything, but the poster boy for happiness.

One hour later, Damon is still wandering around the house like an idiot. He can't relax. Elena is still in the tub. She's alive, he's absolutely positive because there's been no changes in her heartbeat pattern. He listens closely to it, sometimes he catches her singing.

Elena's skin wrinkles in the tub, she knows it's inevitably the time to get out. She admits that she's feeling nice and relaxed, but she's also very bored. She towels down her hair and gets dressed while humming a song stuck in her head. She leaves the fan on in the bathroom and crosses the hall to Stefan's room. It's strange being in there, especially without him and after they've been broken up, but she's also familiar with everything in there.

Honestly, it isn't surprising when she takes him by surprise. She's his little wildcard that way. Somehow she managed to leave the bathroom undetected to turn on sexy, dance music. 'We can fight our desires. But when we start making fires, we get ever so hot - whether we like it or not', the female vocalist coos.

Damon shakes his head in amusement and walks upstairs to Stefan's room, because she wouldn't be in his room, she doesn't know where anything is located.

Damon opens Stefan's door a fraction of an inch to see what she's doing alone before he interrupts.

She's dancing.

Elena I-want-to-kill-myself Gilbert is dancing. And not some lame foot shuffling, no - she's dancing like the world is ending, like she's in a pulsing nightclub instead of an empty bedroom. Her hips are swaying seductively, practically begging for a partner to grind with. She's got moves, moves he's honestly never dreamed about.

"They say we can love who we trust, but what is love without _lust_? Two hearts with accurate devotions, what are feelings without emotions?" She sings and dances around the room. "I'm going in for the kill. I'm doing it for a thrill. Oh, I'm hoping you'll understand and not let go of my hand."

He can't stop staring at her, she's wearing a white tank with no bra and jean shorts. Her head is bobbing, tilted back and her damp hair is flying in every which direction, some of it sticks to her face. He's biting his tongue trying to determine how to approach her. He pushes away the thought that she's actually lost her mind. Her current attitude is such a sharp contrast from only hours ago.

The bass beats pause for a melodic interlude. 'Let's be cold to create heat. I hope in darkness we can see and you're not blinded by the light from me' and without warning - Elena turns off the computer speakers before the final breakdown. She looks him in the eyes, she knows he's been watching the entire time, she didn't care.

"Guess we're at that part." She states flatly, but more to herself and rolls her eyes.

"What part?" He asks hesitantly. His brows furrow in confusion.

"When you say you don't even know me." She gives him a lop-sided grin, but it's a sad grin.

He swallows and crosses the threshold of the room, he walks closer to her until there's only a three foot distance between their bodies. "I thought we had an understanding?" He questions, using the words she once used to describe their relationship.

"Yeah, so?" She shrugs.

"So if we have this understanding, then I thought it was given that I do know you."

Elena is silent, thinking of a good response. "No. More like an understanding that I think..."

"Think?"

"I think there's more to you than your reputation. That I don't think you're a monster, no matter how hard you try to be." She replies softly. "That's what I meant by our understanding."

His heart is warming, he feels good around her because she's the only person that's ever cared for him and that's why he loves her - well, a big reason why. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She frowns. "I thought I've been trying to convince you-"

He cuts her off. "No, not that... I'm asking why you never told me about this?" He looks at her with a concerned expression. "I would have tried to help you... You know before..." The rest of his words are left unspoken, but she knows he means before her suicide attempt, the tension is thick in the room.

"You're not my friendly neighborhood vampire therapist." She scoffs. "I never expected you to help me, especially with something like this. I told you in the hospital, suicide is a personal thing."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Dismiss me like I don't care about you, when you _know_ very well that I do." He replies angrily.

She isn't bothered by his apparent anger. "You'll get over it. It's for best."

"What?"

"Write me off. I'm not the person you think I am. I know you think I'm lying or whatever, but I'm not." She says seriously. "But I'm done pretending."

"Then show me." He says with determination. "Prove me wrong. Show me the 'real' you."

She shakes her head, even the idea of starting over is exhausting. She knows it's impossible when too much has happened to bring her down. She walks over to the bed and flops on it. He follows her and sits next to her.

"Elena." He says continuing the conversation.

"What, Damon?" She snaps.

"If you're honest with yourself, you know you'll be happier. And I want to see that. You have my attention. You've had it all along." He answers sincerely.

"I don't want your attention." She sneers, but then realizes she's hurt his feelings and she feels bad. "Or anyone else's." She adds hastily.

She buries her head in a pillow, he knows she's seconds away from closing up or going mute. "Can I go home now?" She mumbles, but he heard her perfectly.

"No. I'll take you home tomorrow."

"What makes you think I won't hurt myself tomorrow?" She asks rolling on her side, now facing him.

"I promised Stefan I would protect you." He replies seriously and muses. "I never guessed I'd be protecting you from yourself, still it's a threat on your life."

She snickers darkly. "You can't be with me every hour of every day, unless I'm handcuffed to you or something."

"If that's what it takes."

"Oh, stop." She rolls her eyes.

"Well, real handcuffs aren't practical, but there's the magical kind. Just as effective."

Elena's eyes go wide in fear. "You're bluffing."

"No, I'm not."

"You don't have that kind of power." She says skeptically.

"I don't." He shrugs. "I'll have Bonnie do a protection spell."

"She hates you."

"She loves you." He retorts. "If it's to save your life, she'll do it. I know she'll do it."

Elena groans knowing she's defeated. She hates the hero act.

He can hear her stomach growling. "You need to eat."

"I can't, my stomach isn't ready." She sighs.

"The doc prescribed you nausea medication."

She makes a disgusted face. "Ugh, I don't want to take that stuff unless I absolutely need it."

"Come on, get up." He says getting out of bed. "We're going to the kitchen and I'll fix you something light to eat."

"I don't want to go downstairs." She says stubbornly.

"I'm not leaving you here alone." He replies losing patience.

"Now what? You're going to throw me over your shoulder?" She teases him.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Elena puts her hand dramatically over her heart. Her eyes close and her head tilts back in a mock swoon. "Yes, Damon, please carry me away like the dark knight that I know you are. Then we can ride off in the sunset." She can't keep a straight face and starts laughing at the stupidity.

When Elena opens her eyes, she is greeted by a seething Damon. In seconds, maybe half-seconds, she's ripped from the bed and flashed downstairs to the kitchen. Her head is spinning from the vampire speed. She clumsily walks around to take a seat at the table. "Damn vampires." She huffs in disgust and places her head down on the table with her arms covering her eyes.

Damon tries to control his annoyance with her behavior. He doesn't think fighting with her is appropriate for her stability, but God she drives him bat-shit crazy sometimes. He takes care of his own hunger first, hoping it will calm him down, he sips from a blood bag while looking in the kitchen cabinets. He's relieved when he finds a can of tomato soup and warms it up. He figures it will be light enough for her stomach to digest.

With the hot bowl in hand, Damon carries it to the table and places it in front of her. "Eat." He says firmly.

Elena lifts her head and reluctantly grabs the spoon, but once she starts she can't stop realizing how hungry she was. He's grateful she's eating and walks away to drink another blood bag. He leans against the kitchen island, deep in thought about what to do with her. She's become too unpredictable and he doesn't like it. He hates when he doesn't have full control over a situation, but at the same time, he doesn't want to resort to using his physical strength with her.

When she finishes the soup, he watches as she takes the bowl to the sink. She washes it and sets it out to dry. After she glances over at him, he's staring at her intently. "Thanks for that." She says softly, motioning to the bowl.

"Are you tired? Want to go back to bed?" He scans her over.

"No, I'm okay, not so drowsy anymore."

He nods, glad to hear the good news. They stare at each other waiting for the next move.

"So do you guys own a TV?" She asks with a curious expression. "Or am I gonna have to find a book? Or bake something? Maybe Knit?" She attempts to tease his old age.

"There aren't any televisions on the first floor." He replies, emotionless. He motions with his head to follow.

She sighs and trails after him. They walk into the same bedroom which she woke up in earlier. She liked the bed a lot. The smell of the room gives it away, it smells like him. "This is your room." She states.

"Yep." He replies, his back is turned away from her. He doesn't want to see the disgusted look on her face. He can't deal with anymore of her rejection. He's met the quota on rejection, thank you very much. He's waiting for her to say something snarky about sleeping in his bed, but she remains silent.

She likes how clean and minimal his room is styled. Everything in his room seems to serve a purpose, essentially it's very practical. There isn't a bunch of junk everywhere like Stefan's. With Stefan, you're bound to find something from every era. Damon is apparently more modern in mindset. And Damon has a better bed.

He opens the armoire's doors to reveal a large flat screen television. He grabs the remote and glances at her. She's standing in the middle of the room with an odd expression.

"What, Elena?" He asks exasperated.

"Nothing. It's nice, your room is nice. I like it." She answers with a small smile.

He rolls his eyes, but he's squealing internally. "Did you want to watch something? Or are you just going to stand there?"

She cautiously walks over to the bed and sits down next to him. Somehow he's made her nervous, maybe it's because it's his room. Or maybe it's because they're hanging out like regular friends, doing a regular thing. Whatever the reason, everything feels surreal to her. Life always feels surreal when you come back from the edge of almost dying.

He smirks hearing her elevated heartbeat. He thinks it's endearing. He gets comfortable on the bed and hands her the remote, the television is already turned on to the TV Guide channel for her to find something.

She sighs, trying to calm down and starts scrolling through the various selections.

"You can order a movie, if you want." He offers nonchalantly.

She smirks at the suggestion and changes the screen to find a movie. She laughs thinking about making Damon watch something ridiculous like a cartoon or a romantic comedy.

"What?" He asks confused.

She turns to him with a sly smile, but remains quiet.

After much perusing, she finally settles on which movies to buy. As the first movie started, her worries were quickly pushed to the back of her mind. It had been a long time, since she sat down and watched a move in its entirety. It felt good to be distracted from the life threatening situations.

Somewhere between the second and third movie, Elena's hand ended up interlocked with his. She's not sure who initiated it, but she doesn't mind it. She finds his cold skin soothing. He loves the simple contact. He can't remember the last time someone held his hand. He's determined to keep her hand for a long time, she'll have to be the one to pull away.

* * *

_A/N: This is a canon story, Elena's parents picked her up at a party & they died in the car crash. She lived 'cause Stefan saved her from drowning. Damon doesn't know the full story. **But I added to the back story,** like how she's nostalgic about partying with Tracey (conveniently now her gaurdian angel). He died a few months after her parents. Be Good & Review!  
_

_**BIG QUESTION:** Should D/E make out or should it remain canon? I can't decide! :( Suggestions?_

_Elena was dancing to In For The Kill (Le Castle Vania Remix) by La Roux_


	5. Live & Love

**WARNING:** Language, Sexual Themes

* * *

_When alone you see clearly, I would know_  
_Now I want to live and love all these fragile things_

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.

.

Elena is distracted, bored out of her mind as she walks down a wooden staircase with a large soda in her right hand. Her only priority for the day is tanning by the lake. Somehow, she accidentally misses a step and tumbles roughly, but a stranger catches her before she hits the ground. Her drink spills everywhere in the process.

"Are you alright?" His saccharine voice asks, sending chills down her spine.

Elena looks up at the stranger and bites her tongue in lust. He's painfully handsome like an old black and white actor. She can't stop staring at his blue almost gray eyes, silky dark brown hair and chiseled profile.

"Yeah, totally." She answers with a shaky smile and moves away from him.

"Damn, I'm so, so sorry about staining your shirt!" She rushes out.

He chuckles at her anxiety. "Don't worry about it, I'm sure Coke is the new cologne." He replies while removing the stained shirt, she gulps ogling his lean body. He's the wild type, she just _knows_ it.

"I'm Tracey, by the way. I've never seen you out here before?"

"I've been here... for like a week? I'm Elena." She smiles nervously, pushing her hair away from her face.

"Nice." He returns the smile showing off his perfect teeth. "And where did you come from?"

"Mystic Falls."

"I have no idea where that is." He replies shaking his head.

"It's a small town. Once hour or so, west from here."

His head tilts studying her. "So Elena, tell me, do you have a boyfriend?"

She's slightly taken aback by his boldness and blushes. "Yeah, actually, I do."

"Is he with you?" Tracey asks looking around, playfully.

"Uh no, Matt couldn't come. He's super busy with football. You? Girlfriend?"

"Yep." He answers with a quick nod.

"Is she with you?" Elena mimics his looking around.

"Nope." He answers with a mischievous smirk. He looks far too amused by their 'single' situation. "She's in Philly right now."

"Philly." Elena repeats shocked. "Long distance. Wow. That's gotta suck."

"Fuck, no, nothing like that." He laughs hard, shaking his head. "We're in the same class at Princeton. I saw her last week, but now I'll be home for the rest of the summer."

"So you're like super smart." Elena says slowly, kinda intimidated to meet an Ivy guy.

"Sure, I'm a reader. ... _Whatever_." He shrugs in agreement. "Hmm. What do you say to coming over tonight? We can have some fun together? Get to know each other better and what not."

"Uhhh." Elena mutters awkwardly.

"Sorry. That came out wrong, didn't it?" He raises a brow. "Kids usually party at my house on Fridays, you should stop by if you're bored."

Elena's heart suddenly starts racing. "I'm_ ridiculously_ bored, but I don't have a way to drive to your house."

"That's not a problem." He says loftily. "Because you won't need a car to get there."

"You mean, you live here? At the lake?" She's baffled by the revelation.

"Yep. Big Gothic house, you can't miss it. Less than a mile a way."

"Oh, cool. What's your address? Just Chesdin Lake?" Elena asks curiously.

"Chesdin Landing." He corrects. "Well, Elena, will I be seeing you later?"

Elena closes her eyes and finds herself walking up to his house for the first time. She finds him outside, sitting on the brick wall that wraps around his property, drinking a Brass Monkey. He's wearing a gray v-neck, loose navy cardigan, black jeans topped with a black fedora; a sexy blend of classic rebel meets preppy casual.

"Hey... I'm here." Elena greets him timidly. It's sinking in that she's at his house, the handsome Ivy guy.

"Hello there again, miss Elena..." Tracey replies dramatically. "Uh, help, I never got your last name?"

"Gilbert." She answers, laughing a little.

"Miss Elena Gilbert. I like it." He says decisively with a nod and jumps down from the wall. He motions for her to follow him up the driveway.

"And I like your hat." Elena teases. "It's quite... stylish."

"I try." He shrugs. "Hey, so, how do you feel about rabbits?"

Elena chuckles at the random question. "Good? I feel good about rabbits. Why? Is there one under your hat?"

He bumps his shoulder into hers. "I have a pet rabbit, Ginger, she lounges in my bedroom."

"Really?" Elena asks a little giddy.

"Yep. I have to ask. 'Cause people who aren't rabbit friendly tend to bum me out." He justifies with a wink.

"God. This is some party." Elena says as they enter his house. There's gotta be like 200 people inside the house, bass is pulsing off the walls and people are dancing everywhere.

"Eh, nothing new." He dismisses nonchalantly.

"Where are your parents?"

"Ah, honestly, I have no idea. Lucky me." He eye rolls. "Hmm. Wherever shall we go. How do you rate your beer pong skills? From 1 to 10?"

Elena looks at him awkwardly. "I've never played before..."

"Woah Woah!" Tracey grins in delight. "And that _beautiful_, will be the last time you ever say those words. Allow me." He puts his hand on the small of her back and guides her through the halls.

She's walking through a dark hall, until there's black, she closes her eyes and opens them to a pounding headache.

She can barely process a single thought. Her eyes dart around in confusion, she doesn't recognize the room. She turns over in bed, very shocked to find a boxer-clad Tracey. Filled with anxiety, she moves away and falls off the bed in a dramatic thump, waking him up. She looks down in relief, seeing she's still fully dressed. He laughs hard in a mocking way at her obvious, 'did we have sex?', facial expression.

"Nothing happened." Tracey assures. "I was the perfect gentleman. You on the other hand, not so much."

Elena gasps turning a million colors, she's wondering if she acted like a whore.

"Awe, I'm just messing with you. You fell asleep downstairs, so I carried you up. Didn't want something questionable happening to my new friend." He explains. "Any of this coming back? Or did you black out?"

Elena swallows, her mouth is dry from dehydration after drinking all night. "I think I blacked out..." She's beyond bewildered, she had only drank once or twice before, so the party was a big jump for her.

"It happens to the best of us." He shrugs, not worried. "You're a fun drunk though, that's a good, rare trait."

Elena smirks a bit, but instantly freaks out as the situation dawns upon her. She spent the night with him. "Fuck me. What time is it? Oh my God! I've gotta go like NOW... My parents are going to murder me. Shit, where are my shoes?"

"Woah, Elena, slow down there. Just give me a second to get dressed and I'll drive you." Tracey says with a sympathetic smile, quite amused by her cursing.

As Elena straightens out her clothes in his mirror, he studies her carefully. "We should go out tonight." Tracey blurts out with a big smile.

"Of course... that is, if my parents don't catch me sneaking in." She groans.

She's enamored by his confident but not cocky personality and old fashioned manners. She's known him for less than 24 hours and he's already turned her into a wild girl. He's got _it_.

Her hands cover her face in disbelief.

She removes her hands to be greeted by black. She's not scared. She's in the right place, she can feel it.

In half a second, the music starts to blare. People begin to appear around her.

The strobe lights flash, blue, green and white, everywhere.

She's wild... burning brightly and dangerously reckless. It's a happening night out because he bribed the bouncer, again.

Her body is getting pressed against a wall behind her.

Tracey is laughing hysterically attempting to whisper the words in her ear. "I'm just a tiger and I'm lookin' for a tigress."

She laughs along at the cheesy lyrics.

"You got me hangin' from a rope lady, just like a tire swing, lovin' you is tiring. Hold up let me catch my b-b-b-b-b-b-reath." He says against her mouth, but doesn't kiss her.

They never kiss on the lips, ever. They can't break that barricade. It would be wrong. _(They got close once, he pulled a cherry stem from her mouth.)_

She wraps her hands around his neck. Her hips are grinding into him, initiating full on dry sex.

She's fucking wasted. And she's cumming, God damn what a combination.

Her eyes roll back. Everything feels so good.

_'Let me love you like you're the shit girl.'_

He picks her up and she wraps her legs around his waist.

_'You're the shit girl. You're the shit girl.'_

He's holding on tight as she lolls back into oblivion.

It's trading one oblivion for another for the rest of the summer. She turns into a little lush living shot for shot. She's insatiable. Every chance she gets, she drives to Lake Crespin to see Tracey, behind her parents' back. She's got it all worked out. Caroline and Bonnie, reluctantly but loyally, take turns covering for her. Her boyfriend, the golden boy - Matt is stuck at football camp all summer; he never finds out about her 'second' life.

The existence of Tracey's girlfriend somehow justifies any remote guilt of infidelity. _Hey, if he can play, why can't she? She figures._

As the summer ends, the 'just friends' line between them, might as well be non-existent. Yet they never share a single kiss _(on the lips)_.

This is supposed to be meaningless fun.

But she's a teenage girl - she thinks real life is like a romantic comedy - so somewhere between drinking games and dancing, she gets kinda lovestruck by the Ivy guy.

As she's reliving some of their best moments in the dream, the tone gets darker along the way.

And Damon pays attention, because he's been watching the dream since it started two hours ago. He knows this is it. The moment coming up matches her other nightmares.

The black open water has returned.

Elena is floating on a plastic tube while Tracey swims around her. They are the only two people that exist in the world.

"Tracey, I really wish summer wasn't ending." She pouts. "This sucks."

"I know it sucks for _you_! You're starting your sophomore year of high school." He teases. "Hmm, but you must be super popular, what with your quarterback _boyfriend_."

"Yeah, and you with your_ girlfriend,_ back at college."

"Yep." He confirms, thick tension fills the air. "You could visit me at school... I'll play tour guide and stuff."

"I don't know, maybe." Elena frowns knowing she'd never be able to travel that far north. "Would you ever visit me? Like on a break or something..."

"And where would I stay?" He sneers. "Your parents _hate_ me."

"Hey! My mom thinks you're a hunk." Elena teases. "They don't hate you... They're just uncomfortable about our age difference."

"I get that, I do. I'm 21. It's borderline _Lolita_. You're what? 16."

"Not like you care?" Elena raises a brow. "You always ask me out, not the other way around."

"I'm asking for trouble that way." He grins in agreement. "You're lucky I appreciate a bit of Nabokov. So, no, I don't care... that _much_."

"Much?"

"We could never date." He says seriously.

"Right." Elena's lips part as her heart breaks, this is it. She'll never be more than a summer diversion. "Like I would ever date an ass like you." She dismisses, snootily.

"Yeah, well, you're the biggest bitch I know and I happen to like it." He laughs and flips her tube over in the water.

He waits for her to pop up and splash him or something, but she isn't coming to the surface. "Elena?" He calls out in the water. "Come on, answer me!"

Tracey counts the seconds passing in a panic. "Fuck." He curses and dives to find her. It's too dark in the water, he can't see her anywhere, his heart is pounding thinking the worst. When he comes up for air, Elena is waiting for him.

"Not funny." He says, _very_ pissed off. "You really freaked me out."

She's never seen him so angry. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you this upset."

"Elena." He growls. _"You wouldn't be laughing if you knew what it's like to lose someone you love."_

And then like magic, Tracey disappears, leaving Elena alone out in the open water.

"Tracey?" She calls out desperately. "Tracey, please!"

He never returns, while she continues to sink to the bottom against her will.

Silent tears run down Elena's unconscious face until her face is completely wet. In the dream, she's still alone, in the dark, just trapped at the bottom of the lake.

Realizing she isn't going to wake up on her own anytime soon, Damon intervenes and once again, places her in a field of sunflowers.

* * *

Elena's bloodshot eyes open almost instantly after Damon shifts the dream. She sniffles and wipes her wet face. She groans irritated by the reoccurring nightmare. It's such a teaser, it always starts _so good._

She sighs noticing Damon's intent gaze. "What?" She asks uncomfortable.

"How did he die?"

Elena purses her lips not answering.

"You talk in your sleep." Damon says matter-of-factly as if he hasn't spent the night snooping in her head. "Tracey? Ex-boyfriend of yours or something?"

Elena winces and snaps her head away from Damon. She gets out of his bed in a scurry.

"Friend. Sudden cardiac death." She answers emotionless, not willing to share the details. "Can I go home now?"

"No." Damon says firmly.

"Damon. I want to go home."

"It's not morning yet." He explains, motioning to the window.

She frowns seeing no sign of the sun in the window and checks the nightstand clock. It's two in the morning. She obviously dozed off sometime during their movie marathon earlier in the evening.

"Are you coming back to bed?" He asks, the question sounds almost natural. She notices that he's laying over the covers, while she had been under them. She must have missed when he tucked her in.

"No." She answers, still standing by the side of the bed.

"Alright. Then let's go down to the kitchen, you never ate dinner." He shrugs, indifferent and gets up.

She rolls her eyes and walks ahead of him.

Down in the kitchen, Damon finds himself in the same position he was in earlier in the afternoon - feeding his human guest. She's sitting at the table, her feet are propped up in the seat in front of her, she's looking vacantly at the wall.

Damon settles on making her spaghetti. "I could take them away for you." He offers. "Replace them with whatever you want."

"Huh?" Elena asks confused, turning her face to him.

"Your nightmares. I could take them away." He says casually, while he waits anxiously for a reply.

She looks astonished. "Your proposal is tempting, but it's okay, I can handle it."

"You've had three nightmares, by my count, in the last 24 hours." He states with a raised brow. "Do you have them every night?"

"Yeah, I guess I would if I didn't masturbate." She answers in a clear, but desolate sounding voice.

Damon absently pours _scalding_ water over his hand picturing her. She's essentially admitting to getting off in bed - every night. Of course, now he's wondering if she owns a vibrator. He's speechless, how the hell can he respond to such private information. Because it's _her_, the girl he _loves_, a witty remark just wouldn't be right. After watching her cum in the dream, this is all too much for his nerves to handle.

Elena looks over with an amused expression hearing his cursing. He's_ (embarrassingly)_ waiting for his hand to heal before he can resume cooking. "Uh, do you need help over there?" She asks smirking. "I have to say, I would have never pegged you as the clumsy type."

"No, I'm good." He answers strained and nods.

The next fifteen minutes pass in silence. They're both musing.

When Damon walks over with the bowl of spaghetti, she still looks vacant. He drops it dramatically on the table to 'wake her up', it does, she thanks him and starts eating.

Her mouth is disgustingly dry. She gets up to grab a Coke can from the fridge. She'll find one because Stefan always buys them for her.

When she gets back at the table, she opens it and gulps it down. It's so refreshing, she almost moans in the beauty of it. Sometimes it's the little things, like Coke, that help her make it through the day. Damon has a positively perplexed expression on his face. She laughs a bit.

"What's up?" She asks cautiously.

"Doesn't that have like a load of caffeine." He states.

"Yeah... and..."

"It's the middle of the night."

"I know." She doesn't understand the direction of the conversation.

He cuts to the chase. "Won't you have problems going back to sleep?"

"I'm not going back to sleep." She scoffs.

"You're not?"

"Is that a problem?" She laughs. "Because I would love to be awake in my own house..."

He's frustrated by her. "You're staying awake. When do you plan on going to bed?"

"I don't know." She shrugs indifferently.

"You don't know?" He retorts.

She's had _enough_ of his babysitting crap. "I swear to God if you try and read me a bedtime story, I'll show you scary." She warns him with fire in her eyes.

He's curious about her definition of 'scary', but decides not to go down that path. That's _not_ a good path. He backs away from the bedtime interrogation. He lets her finish the meal in silence.

She admits, for a vampire, he's not a bad cook. She savors every bite. He asks if she wants seconds, but she declines. Once again, she washes her own bowl, it's the least she can do as a reasonable guest, well more like reasonable hostage.

With the bowl washed and done, Elena stands at the sink trying to figure out what to do. She's restless. Around this time at home, she'd masturbate or listen to her iPod to fall asleep. She can't do either in the boarding house.

It would be pointless to watch another movie, she'd end up twitching through it and barely pay any attention.

She _hates_ being restless. If she doesn't find a way to get rid of it, she'll end up thinking herself in circles, which leads to all kinds of dark emotions. She ends up ruminating over every decision she made after meeting Tracey. She doesn't usually think about Tracey while she's awake, it's hard, but it hurts more to remember him.

Damon is still at the table, staring at her standing by the sink. He wants to help her, but he's out of ideas. Truth be told, he never actually had any ideas other than keeping her alive. Since she's still standing there, living and breathing, he's done a decent job of protecting her. He promised to protect her, it's something he's taking very seriously.

"Do you have a deck of cards?" She asks Damon, walking back over to the table. She's standing in front of her. He's drowning in legs, she never changed out of her shorts.

"Why?" He asks out of reflex to question everything.

"So I can play cards." She states exasperated, she doesn't understand why he's making the smallest things complicated. It's not her fault he has to _entertain_ her. She didn't ask for _this_.

"I have to see if I can find some." He says emotionless.

"Great." She answers sarcastically.

She's waiting for him to get up. It's somewhat awkward.

After taking a moment to gather himself, he gets up and asks her to follow him. They go upstairs to his room, but he decides not to enter with a better idea in mind.

"What?" She asks standing outside his door.

"Nothing. I'm just trying to think of where there would be cards in this place." He mutters.

Honestly, she had expected him to have cards handy for like strip poker or something else equally silly.

He goes into his bedroom only to grab a set of keys. She looks at him curiously and waits for him to lead the way.

He leads her down and around a hallway she's never explored. Most of the boarding house is vacant giving it a cold and creepy feeling.

He opens a set of double doors with the keys and turns on the lights. It's a billiard & game room. She likes it a lot.

"Why aren't you guys ever in here?" Elena asks confused.

"I don't know." His brows furrow. "We just aren't. Plus there's the Grill." He knows it's because most of the time his relationship with Stefan is strained. He expected the brotherly relationship to heal more after he 'gave up' Elena.

She shrugs and looks around the room at the miscellaneous Mystic Falls souvenirs. He finds the cards within a minute and hands the deck to her. She thanks him and tries to dust off the couch before sitting on it.

"Do you want to play pool?" He asks casually.

"No." She answers flatly while never looking up from her cards.

He tries to not look hurt by her rejection. He just doesn't get her.

"What are you playing?"

"Solitaire." She answers matter-of-factly, like she's annoyed.

He sighs knowing the night is going to be long. He knows it's probably a bad idea to drink in front her, but he needs one. With the same set of keys, he opens the glass case of liquor. The liquor hasn't been touched in over twenty years. He bends down trying to decide on what to drink.

"What's your favorite drink?" He asks out of curiosity, not because he's going to make her one.

"Coke." She answers tersely.

"You know what I mean."

"I don't have a favorite." She answers honestly.

He shrugs at the shortest conversation of his life. _Again, he needs a drink._ He grabs a bourbon at random, no longer caring about the name on the label. With a glass tumbler in hand, he's good to go, for a bit anyway.

"I know it takes vampires longer to get drunk." She states, still looking down at the cards. "But what about buzzed? Do vampires feel it?"

"We feel it." He mutters. Technically, he was buzzed, not drunk, when he broke Jeremy's neck all those many nights ago.

She stops playing for a second as if considering this new piece of information.

"Your undead life can be one big party if you want it to be." He adds, leaning against the pool table.

She scowls a bit and doesn't reply.

As she continues to play Solitaire, he continues to blatantly stare at her. She doesn't comment on it.

He's trying to figure her out. It's hard to picture her going from wild to the girl he met, but obviously her drinking had something to do with her parents' deaths. He frowns slightly knowing that guilt must haunt her most days. He almost wants to compel it away, she's still not wearing her necklace.

Besides her drinking preferences, he also can't figure out her taste in men. Even if he's only judging by a few scenes from her dreams, he's _positive_ Tracey and Stefan never shared any traits. In fact, he wishes he had met Elena first, that would have been _interesting_. The road of 'what ifs' isn't worth exploring, he shakes the thoughts out of his head.

Elena doesn't want him, with or without Stefan in her life, the sting is painful to swallow. He wishes love wasn't so hard, she's making it hard for him.

Damon figures the reason why she fell for Tracey was his blatant _happiness_ to be alive. The worst part is knowing she could make him happy. Damon could be happy too, if she let him in. With that pathetic thought, he finishes the glass and pours another.

"If you don't want to keep living, why don't you want to turn?" He asks after working up courage with a little help from the liquor.

"I don't want to be seventeen forever." Elena answers. "Being underage sucks."

Damon chuckles a bit at her response, he can't help it. Her reasoning is slightly silly. "Would you consider turning later in your life?"

She shrugs. "No consideration needed. I don't plan on living for much longer." She says without hesitation.

"Elena. I'm going to keep you alive. Even if I have to use a spell to do it."

"You can't protect me forever." She replies softly.

"I have the luxury of _forever_." He retorts.

She looks up from the cards for the first time to meet his eyes. She's seething. He knows it.

"Why is so hard for you to understand that I don't want to be alive?"

"Oh, I understand, I do." He sets the drink down and crosses his arms. "I just don't understand why you chose to give up."

"I'm tired of living." She says with a deep breath.

"Your life is just starting." He retorts.

"Well, then it was over before it started." She rolls her eyes.

"I know a thing or two about the world after living for over a century." He says seriously. "So I can promise you that there's something out there worth living for."

"What?"

"I don't know what you're looking for. But I know it's out there."

She doesn't reply, but she isn't disregarding his words. She starts to think about what it would be like to _disappear_ for awhile. Not as a vampire either, just to start over.

_New name. New city. New life._ Nothing to stop her.

She has more than enough money, her parents' life insurance plan was over half a million dollars combined.

She knows it would be selfish to leave Jenna and Jeremy behind, but she needs this for herself. She needs to find a way to heal her heart from the all the pain. She'll go away for a year or so, it would be like an extended therapy session or something. That idea doesn't sound bad to her.

Damon is a little wary seeing the smirk on her face. He doesn't know if he should be excited or apprehensive.

"Yeah, okay." She finally replies.

"Okay? Okay, what?" He asks walking closer to her.

"I won't try to kill myself again." She says sincerely.

He searches her face for something. An explanation of sorts, he's looking for it, but he can't read her.

"I'm going to runaway." She says resolved. "I have enough money." She adds.

_"What? Now?"_ He asks shocked.

"No, not now." She rolls her eyes. "When I'm ready, when it's time, I'm going to runaway."

His mouth goes dry trying to reply.

"We need to make a... deal, a compromise..." She says narrowing her eyes.

He nods for her to continue.

"If I promise not to kill myself." She says. "Then_ you_ have to promise to not let anyone come looking for me."

He makes a motion to interrupt her.

"I'll come back when I'm ready. I don't plan on running away, forever." She adds hastily.

They stare at each other, both looking for something of value in the other.

"Well?" She asks raising a brow.

"Okay." He answers with an attempt at a steady voice.

* * *

_A/N: One last chapter. It's going to be short & include some of 2x11. I'm considering writing a 'spin-off', completely AU & m-rated. It would be about Elena running away (Damon tracks her down). Do you want to read it? **Be Good & Review!**_

_PS: Chesdin Lake & the big houses are real places in Virginia, but I've never been. The song is Dressed To Digress by Boy Crisis (Nero Remix). Pictures of 'Tracey' at my LiveJournal. User: junkyatbest_

_**Order of updating:** You Know I'm No Good, Dark Was The Night & then back to finish this story._


	6. Slowly Burning Down

_We all stand on a bridge that's been slowly burning down._

.

.

.

It's a quarter past four in the morning, she's still playing solitaire and he's still drinking his cure for a broken heart on ice. The irony of the situation isn't lost on him.

The tension is rolling thick in the room, but he doubts she notices. She's mastered the art of apathy. It's quite possible she's feeling less than him, amazing considering he's the vampire.

"Where?" Damon breaks the silence after twenty-three minutes and thirty-six seconds.

"Where, what?" She asks flatly, not looking at him.

"Where would you runaway?" He asks what he assumed was the obvious.

"A _city_, I'd like it, something different than here. I guess. Not too big, though."

"So not New York or Los Angeles." Damon deduces.

"Yeah, probably not." She gives him a dreamy look. "God, but somewhere abroad is _also_ tempting. Like just for the summer or maybe for a year before I go to college..."

Damon is struggling to remain calm realizing the more she talks about it, the more appealing the idea is becoming to her.

"Okay. Where abroad?" He guesses somewhere in Europe. Don't all American girls dream of boys with British accents and shopping in Paris? He can easily squeeze into her Europe itinerary. Hell, he owns a place in Italy.

"South America." She replies without hesitation.

"Spanish might come in handy for that region."

"I know enough to handle myself." She replies nonchalantly.

"Really?" Once again, she's suddenly like a complete mystery to him.

She nods in confirmation. "Courtesy of Virginia's public school system."

"That's good." He should of known. Then again, _Stefan_ is the brother that likes to repeat high school.

He pauses for a second, because it's been awhile for him and he's a tad tipsy. "¡Yo hablo Español también!" He announces smoothly.

Her eyes snap up at him from the couch and away from the cards. He's got her attention now. She gives him a warm smile, which makes him feel warm just looking at her. She licks her lips with him in mind.

"What other languages do you know?" She asks curiously, studying him.

She doesn't know she's asking a loaded question, but at least she's _talking_ to him. "Fluently, I also know Italian and French." He answers somewhat guarded.

She continues to study him, tearing him apart with her eyes. "But you can get by in others?" She deduces.

He shrugs like it's not a big deal. "I've traveled, what with the boredom of eternity."

She smirks at him and returns to her card game.

"Stefan doesn't like to travel." He adds for the sake of continuing the conversation.

"What?" She looks at him in disbelief, she's obviously trying hard not to laugh at her ex-boyfriend.

"Yeah." Damon replies seriously. "Ugh. When we were kids, he used to get so seasick. It was bad."

"Does he still get seasick?" Elena asks in wonder.

"I don't know." He answers honestly. "But I don't think he'll ever like the water..."

Elena bursts into laughter, loud laughter.

"Stefan not liking water is _that_ funny?"

"No." She says continuing to laugh. "Him being a vampire and water, oh God." She starts wiping away her tears. "You know..."

Damon stares at her blankly, but he's pleased to see her laughing. For a minute there, he was afraid her lips would remain in a permanent frown line.

She tries to stop laughing. "You guys aren't supposed to cross running water."

Damon rolls his eyes at the ridiculousness, next she'll start talking about how they can't eat Garlic and how they turn into vampire bats.

He sighs, kicking himself for bringing up Stefan in the first place. What a killjoy. "He almost drowned."

"Really?" Elena asks with doe eyes, figuring it happened before they were turned.

Damon nods. "Yeah. Down by the quarry, um, not too far from here actually. He was 8 and I was 14. I was able to pull him out of the water."

"You _saved_ him." Elena states with a goofy grin that's enough to make him blush, if he physiology could.

He tries to look unaffected and drinks from him tumbler of bourbon.

"How heroic."

Damon is unnerved wondering if she's teasing him with that grin of hers. It's like she's swooning, _geez_, he's saved her in the past, but she's never reacted in such a way.

As if she's reading his train of thought, she breaks their gaze and returns to her cards. Mostly she became _emotional _thinking about the man that came before the vampire. Sometimes she finds herself wondering what he was like as a human. She hopes he was happier as a human, less bitter and jaded.

Damon hears her babble, but has no idea what she's trying to say. "Come again?"

"Oh." Elena freezes, realizing her she's saying things that weren't supposed to be said. "Nothing. Don't worry about it. I was just thinking."

"About me?" He asks knowingly.

She lets out a deep sigh. "Umm. I guess my body is catching up with me... I really need to sleep for a bit."

Her eyelids feel inconceivably heavy.

It's true, she's _deliriously_ tired and she didn't even notice. Her depression is severe enough to block out bodily functions, she gets so filled with feeling _nothing_ that she forgets to eat, sleep or take care of herself in general. She remembers when her parents died, she didn't shower for _days_. Caroline literally dragged her to the bathroom when it had gone on for far too long. She shudders at the memory of the black hole period.

"Fine." Damon smirks, showing off his eyes and everything. "Then I guess, you'll just have to tell me in bed."

Before Elena can reply, he sweeps her off the couch in one smooth grab. She shrieks, but instead of fighting, she starts giggling. He's glad she's not freaking out, in fact she's wrapping her arms around his neck more tightly. Damon decides to savor the moment of her wanting to touch him and walks to his room at normal speed.

"You're..." Elena declares loudly.

Damon braces himself for the _worst_.

"You're." She yawns. "Good."

He looks at her confused and his expression sends her into another fit of giggles.

"I'm not sure why you're drunk when _I _was the one drinking tonight." Damon mutters.

"Silly vampire." She chides like talking to a little kid. "Not drunk. Sleep deprivation." She announces proudly.

Damon figures getting her into his bed won't be a problem in this state. He was right, _kinda..._

As he walks up to his bed, he attempts to set her down, but she's clinging to his neck. If he were human, she would have made him tumble on top of her. But he's a vampire, she can't drag him to bed, so he's left to make the decision - _does he let her?_

"You're good." She coos rubbing against the crook of his neck. Her touch shouldn't feel _that_ good, but it's better than anything he's ever experienced.

Damon swallows and surrenders, after all it's the girl who's got his dead heart _fluttering_. A little harmless cuddling wasn't a big deal, right? Right. Hell, she might not even remember it.

He manages to reposition there bodies so he's laying flat on the bed and she's laying on his chest. "I really want you to know this." She says seriously. "But I'm saying it wrong and I don't know why."

"Maybe it's because I'm _bad_?" He quips, for hell's sake he's an evil vampire.

"Ugh. No, well, _yes_. Stop confusing me." She says frustrated. She's so tired, she can't think straight. The exhustion just hit her hard, out of nowhere.

"You're good times." She states resolved. "You remind me of good times and that's why I'm drawn to you." She smirks. "That's it. Now you know."

Damon looks down at the tiny girl in his arms and pets her hair lovingly. "Good times, huh?" He raises a brow. "What kinda good times?" He asks in a flirtatious tone.

"The kind I want to come back around again." She answers softly.

He watches her face pout and a few tears roll down her face.

"I'm more than willing to show you a good time." He offers trying to lighten her mood. "For you, free of charge, any time you'd like."

She smiles, but it's a sad smile. "Not quite what I meant. It doesn't work that way." She replies in a voice barely above a whisper.

"How does it work then?"

Elena remains silent.

"Tell me how it works, Elena." He inquires softly.

She drowsily replies, but he can't understand her words.

"What was that?"

"You can't see how."

"What?" Damon is more confused than the first time he asked. He's beginning to realize talking to Elena in this state might not have been such a good idea.

"I don't want to talk anymore." She practically growls, she's reaching the cranky side of tired. "I want to go home, Damon."

He doesn't want her to leave, he _likes_ her current position in his bed and arms, but it's not what she wants.

"Should I take you home now?" He asks, almost timidly afraid of the reply.

"Yes. Let's go." She says determined, but makes no move to get off his body. Actually, she snuggles deeper into his chest.

In the end, he waits until she falls asleep to move her. He carries her downstairs to his car to drive her home. He parks the Chevy in the Gilbert driveway and carries her up the house hoping the front door is unlocked.

It's unlocked, he's cursing the stupidity of the household, but he's thrilled to have an easy way in. Using typical vampire stealth, he walks up to her bedroom and tucks her in.

Damon studies Elena for a second in bed before leaving her side. He feels okay with her at home, he doesn't think she'd commit suicide with both Jenna and Jeremy around, she's got more tact than that.

Yet with her safety in mind, he knows she isn't the type to give up easily. She'll likely find a way to seek Klaus and this time he wants to prevent anything from happening. He thinks about the options while walking back to his car and decides magic is the only sure secure way.

With cell in hand, Damon dials the judgy witch. He doesn't have a choice with the current situation, the conversation is necessary, she's the only one he knows with the power to protect Elena.

He dials and it rings for awhile, he's not surprised, it's annoyingly early.

"Damon?" She answers groggy in disbelief. "God. What's happened?" She murmurs knowing he would never call her this early, if he ever hoped to use his brain again.

"Did you know your BFF tried to commit suicide yesterday?" Damon asks with fake cheekiness.

"What?"

"Yep. And not the one that's already dead." Damon adds remembering neurotic Vampire Barbie is also capable of such 'profound' emotional breakdowns.

"Why would Elena-"

"As much as it deeply pains me to admit it, I'm gonna need your help with something." He replies seriously. "Maybe Jeremy too."

After discussing various protection spells, Bonnie assures him that she can handle the actual implementation and doesn't need help to do it. Damon is grateful, because he has a little brother to visit. Damn, he's been taking care of _everyone _lately, how did that happen? With a thoughtful frown, he drives home to gather survival supplies and shortly after heads over to the tomb to make the delivery.

Walking down to the tomb, Damon knows Stefan is going to ask about Elena. A part of him wants to tell him about the roof incident, but it won't do any good. What will Stefan be able to do? _Brood more?_ That's not going to help anyone out, right now Damon needs to keep morale up, as strange as that may sound.

At the tomb, Damon calls for Stefan to appear at the entrance. He explains the situation with Elena attempting to sacrifice herself, obviously Stefan is horrified by the developments. With Elena's emotional breakdown the other night, this is the first time Damon is able to discuss things with his little brother.

"You trapped her in the house?" Stefan asks shocked.

"It's for the best. Trust me." Damon confirms. "Elena is a on a martyr tear that rivals your greatest hits. You should be glad the witch and I are even getting along."

Damon is grateful Stefan isn't going to push on about Elena. He needs a break from the emotional dramatics.

He shrugs. "I brought you this." He says holding out a backpack. "Care package. Candles. Lanterns... and lunch." Damon finishes with a trademark smirk, holding out a plastic bottle of blood.

"Give that to me... I'm just going to have to share that with her." Stefan replies somewhat annoyed.

Damon glares at Katherine in disgust. She simply crosses her arms reminding him that she's a _bitch_.

"Yeah." Damon says in understanding.

Out of self-respect to himself, Damon can't stomach the idea of helping Katherine out in any way. He's glad to have her out of his life - chapter closed - he no longer thinks about her every single fucking day. Then again, is it the same cycle with the new girl? No, Elena isn't like Katherine... Elena is decent enough to outright reject him and not lead him on. Both girls have managed to burn holes in his heart in different ways, at his age Damon should be used to not getting anything he wants, but it still hurts.

"You know, you two are surprisingly calm considering Klaus will hunt you down and kill you if you mess with his little glyph." Katherine chimes in, she can't help it. Her tongue is her only weapon at the moment.

"I've been dead before. I got over it." Damon retorts. He really doesn't need her to state the obvious that there lives are in danger. _How many times do they have to be reminded?_ And each time both brothers are willing to risk anything to save Elena. The stubborn teenager really does have them under her spell.

"Once we deal with this moonstone, we'll figure out a way to get you out." Damon promises.

"Ah. Don't worry about me." Stefan dismisses. "Just make sure Elena is safe."

Damon confirms knowingly and walks away from the tomb. He's still getting used to the fact that Stefan is trusting him with Elena's life. It's amazing there's progress in their relationship as brothers after so many years. Elena had once said many months ago that their relationship could be repaired, he dismissed her at the time, but maybe the heart can heal. While Damon isn't ready to do brotherly bonding activities, he likes being able to banter with Stefan and not have to worry about keeping a stake ready for the worse.

.

.

.

Elena's morning is strange to begin with, she's a little frazzled waking up in her own bed. At first she considers the roof incident and Damon were part of a weird dream à la 'Wizard of Oz', but it really happened. She frowns at the proof, the hospital wristbands on her right wrist.

Figuring Damon was responsible for bringing her home, Elena concentrates on facing the serious issues. She stretches in bed and runs through her morning routine in the bathroom before finding fresh clothes to wear. The next important thing to do is charge her cell to check if she missed any important messages.

She's surprised to only find messages from Bonnie. She can't help wondering what Caroline was doing, she's used to hearing from her every day. Elena spends a moment staring at her cell in wonder, but decides against contacting Caroline - it's nine in the morning.

Bonnie is apparently awake having sent a text only minutes before turning on her phone. Elena sighs softly knowing she must have _news_ of some sort to be contacting her so early. She texts back with a quick, 'yeah, come over' and waits for her to arrive.

Thirty minutes later, Elena finds herself in a heated conversation with Bonnie about the moonstone. Elena glares down at the bed where a very calm Bonnie is sitting.

"Well, don't listen to him. He thinks that he's protecting me, but he's wrong." Elena retorts disbelieving of the situation.

Elena is pleading Bonnie to concentrate on freeing Stefan from the tomb. She's extremely apprehensive about doing anything to the moonstone, because there's no guarantee Klaus won't come for vengeance. Elena simply isn't willing to risk angering the ancient vampire. She doesn't want her whole family killed, like how he punished Katherine.

"I'm taking Stefan's side with this one. We're not going to let you get used in some creepy sacrifice ritual." Bonnie says seriously, while she doesn't usually agree with the vampires, she knows the Salvatore brothers have Elena's best interest in mind.

A painful load of frustration is building within Elena. Once again, she's angry that other people are making decisions for her. All she wants is to have control over her own life, she wishes to be a free human being. Not to mention, Elena feels a little betrayed that her best friend is following her ex-boyfriend's orders.

"What are you guys arguing about?" Jeremy asks coming through the connecting bathroom door and studies the girls suspiciously.

"Not arguing about anything." Bonnie replies cheerily looking at Elena.

Elena is seething hearing Bonnie's reply. Bonnie and Jeremy share a look that Elena isn't able to understand. Suddenly, Bonnie shoves the moonstone in her purse and leaves the bedroom to grab a cup of coffee.

Still seething, Elena takes a seat on her bed and stares blankly at nothing. Her mind is overwhelmed with emotions. She's having trouble concentrating on her next move. Jeremy remains, just lingering in the room, studying her carefully.

"What?" Elena asks knowing her brother too well. He has something to say to her.

"Why are you on some suicide mission?" Jeremy asks without hesitation. He stares her down knowingly. A part of her wonders if he's been in contact with Damon. His tone of voice gives her the chills.

"I'm trying to prevent everyone else from getting hurt." She replies seriously. She tries to justify her reasons for something that she knows her brother will _never_ accept.

"So bringing Klaus the moonstone, so you can get yourself killed is _okay_?" Jeremy asks half-incredulously, half-hurt.

Elena sees the pain in his eyes as he looks down at her with judgment. He's reminding her how selfish her decision would be to commit suicide. After losing mom and dad, Vicki and Anna, he's already mourned too many times in the last year. She can't think of a suitable response.

Jeremy gives her one last look before slowly turning and walking away from her. Elena stares at his back as he leaves the room, she can't stop thinking about the look in her brother's eyes.

She sighs and looks around the room and then notices that Bonnie left her bag behind. Attempting to be sneaky, Elena opens her bag and takes out the moonstone. She can't sit around and do nothing. Elena starts walking down the stairs quickly to get out of the house, but she runs into Bonnie coming back from the kitchen.

"Where you going?" Bonnie asks, almost hesitantly.

Elena is cursing in her head, wishing Bonnie would stop monitoring her every move. "Umm... to see Stefan." She says, trying to sound convincing.

"You're lying." Bonnie can see right through her, she knows her too well after being her friend for over a decade.

Elena looks down at the ground, still cursing in her head. "No, I'm not."

"Really?" Bonnie replies with a raised brow. "Tell your face." She retorts sharply.

"Are you serious?" Elena attempts to act shocked, trying to make her best friend feel bad for doubting her.

"She took the moonstone!" Jeremy announces from the top of the stairs, busting his sister's plan.

"How did you..." Elena asks confused by how quickly she got caught.

"We tested you." Bonnie admits. "You failed."

Elena looks up at Jeremy and then back at Bonnie, she wonders how long they've been plotting against her. They can't understand why she's desperately ready to die for them; that their lives are more important than her own. "Klaus killed Katherine's entire family just because she crossed him." She says practically through clenched teeth.

"I can't let that happen." Elena says stepping down a few more steps to face Bonnie, showing how serious she is about not backing down.

Bonnie slides by to let her pass and Elena doesn't understand the change of heart, but continues walking to the front door.

At the door, Elena is shocked to learn that she can't leave the house. There is a magical barricade in place to lock her in. "What did you do?" Elena turns slowly feeling betrayed.

"It's for the best, Elena." Bonnie says in a soft voice.

Bonnie agreed to cast the spell for Damon to prevent her best friend from running to do anything else rash.

Elena looks at Bonnie with fire in her eyes. She can't believe this is happening! She desperately tries to break through, while Jeremy sits on the stairs amused by her futile attempts. He's relieved to know his sister can't meet her death.

Bonnie leaves Jeremy to deal with his sister, since she's going to start working on the moonstone.

"You knew about this?" Elena glares at her little brother.

"Yeah, what do you want me to say Elena? That I'm sorry you can't commit suicide? Well, I'm not." He snaps. "I, of all people, know how_ stubborn_ you can be." He adds in a softer voice raising a brow.

Elena is about to snap a retort, but stops herself understanding Jeremy _isn't_ the person to discuss her choice with. She knows he agreed to babysit her as an act of love, not to _control_ her. She nods numbly and drags her feet to the living room, plopping herself on the couch.

Elena stares out into nothing realizing she's truly defeated this time; now that Bonnie took the stone and she's locked in the house. She chuckles wondering what Stefan would say about them going behind her back. She frowns knowing he'd probably agree with them. _Everyone is trying to save her..._

Damon walks in the Gilbert house smoothly, looking at the door, simply amused by the magic that's holding Elena captive.

She looks up from the couch hearing someone coming. Damon strolls over to the living room, pausing to smirk at the doorway. "You should really lock your door." He says cheekily.

Elena looks at him resentfully and crosses her arms. She doesn't want to talk to him. She's had enough of him lately.

"Awe, come on pouty." Damon teases, somewhat annoyed about receiving the cold shoulder.

Elena glares at him.

"At least give me two points for ingenuity." He says smugly. He warned her that he would protect her anyway he could, even if it meant resorting to using magic.

"Do you think this is funny?" She scoffs, tired of his smug attitude. She was amazed Bonnie actually went along with his scheming, given how much the two hate each other.

"Yes, Elena." He says sternly, then calms a bit. "I find hilarity in the lengths that I have to go to repeatedly save your life." He says as if trying to give her a wake up call, trying to prove that saving her life is not a joke and she's constantly giving him trouble.

Elena can't believe what he's done to her. How many times does she has to say that she doesn't want to be saved? Both Salvatore brothers have become overly protective about her every move.

"What did Stefan say about this?"

"We had a good laugh." Damon shrugs walking over to the couch. Honestly, he doesn't give a fuck about what Stefan thinks, he knows he did the right thing. He can't handle other supernatural business while worrying what she's up to.

"And what does he say about Elijah still being alive?" She snaps. She knows she hit a nerve, she needs something to use against him. She hates not having any ammo.

Damon takes a seat on the couch and drapes his arm across the back of the couch, sitting close to her. He winces a bit. "Yeah... that." He paused. "Didn't tell him."

"Why not?" Elena demands.

"Well, 'a' - he can't do about it and 'b' ... what I just said." Damon says with a pointed look.

Damon turns in the couch hearing someone approaching, it's Jeremy.

"Where's Bonnie?" Damon asks.

"I thought she was meeting you." Jeremy replies confused.

"No, she's on moonstone duty." Damon answers matter-of-factly and makes a snapping sound to Elena. "And I'm on Elena patrol."

Elena shivers under his gaze and looks away from him. He's become far too comfortable around her after everything. She didn't like him having an all-access pass to her life.

"And who's on Tyler Lockwood and the full moon?" Jeremy questions seriously.

"Vampire Barbie asked me if she could handle it, and I said why not." Damon shrugs, appearing not worried about the newest werewolf in Mystic Falls. "I figure if she screwed up, he'd bite her and then I'll be rid of two of my problems."

"Hold on a second, tonight's the full moon?" Elena asks surprised, she had completely forgotten. She's terrified about Tyler changing for the first time. She knows his transformation is going to change all of their lives dramatically.

"Yup." Damon answers, while reaching to answering his ringing cell. "But you're too absorbed with all your suicidal tendencies to notice." He retorts while walking away from her.

Elena can't stand his tone, she wishes he'd mind his own business. He's throwing around the word _suicide_ like it isn't a serious decision. She very well knows how her 'suicidal tendencies' are all consuming, lately it's all she's been thinking about, just wondering where her time is up.

"What?" Damon demands answering his cell, away from Elena. Damon is pissed off learning from Alaric that Mason has been declared missing and that there's a new player in town - God, he _hates_ 'tourists', always making life harder for him.

"Change of plans. You babysit." Damon announces to Jeremy. Jeremy grins and jumps on top of his sister on the couch.

"Hey, you know, you should get out... enjoy the sun." Damon tells Elena and then pauses looking triumphant. "Oh wait, you can't!"

Elena throws a pillow at him for being such a smartass all the time. Damon easily misses the pillow and gives her one last smirk before leaving the house. He's feeling good. Even though he hates her guts sometime, he loves how much fire she has. One day he'll figure out how to put her fire to good use, such as pleasurable activities in the bedroom. The thought makes him smirk bigger.

Jeremy laughs amused by the situation and Elena shoves him off her with a thump in annoyance.

"So what should we do today?" Jeremy chuckles, he's never seen Elena so peeved in her life.

Elena rolls her eyes.

.

.

.

"You don't know where he is, do you?" Elena asks narrowing her eyes at Elijah. Having the deadly vampire in her bedroom is jarring, obviously Damon never considered she'd be a sitting duck at home. What's even more jarring is learning Elijah isn't one of Klaus' minions like she had assumed. Looks like no ever bothered to research on the vampire's role in this power play. Now that she's cornered him in the conversation, she's prepared to get_ all _that she can out of him.

Elijah remains quiet and suddenly Elena understands everything better, she knows what he wants. He's going to use her as_ bait_ for Klaus. "So you're trying to use me, to draw him out?" She says crossing her arms.

"Well to do that, I need you to stay put and stop trying to get yourself killed." Elijah replies knowingly. He never counted on the girl having a _death wish_, she's feistier than he thought and hopes she won't be a troubling bitch like Katherine.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" Elena asks skeptically.

"Well, if I wasn't being truthful, all of your family would be dead and I would be taking you to Klaus right now." Elijah answers with some amusement. "Instead, I'm here and I'm prepared to offer you a deal."

"What kind of a deal?" He's truly surprised her. She was almost expecting him to say something like 'come with me quietly and no one else has to die'.

"Do nothing. Do nothing, _live_ your life, stop fighting. And then the time is right, you and I shall draw Klaus out together and I shall make certain that you're friends will remain unharmed." He says standing at her dresser looking at her various human mementos.

"And then what?"

"Then I kill him." Elijah answers smoothly.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." He pauses. "I'm a man of my word, Elena. I make a deal, I keep a deal."

Of all the vampires she's met, she's certain he lives by a 'code', which can be both a good thing and bad thing.

"How are you going to be able to keep everybody safe?"

"You know I notice you have a friend, Bonnie, is it? She seems to possess the gift of magic. I have friends with similar gifts."

Elena nods, feeling stupid, of course he has powerful allies. "You know witches."

"And together we can protect everybody that matters to you."

Elijah confirms. "So, do we have a deal?"

"I need you to do one more thing for me."

"We're negotiating, now?" Elijah asks incredously, again he gives the girl props for being brave.

Elena confirms with a head tilt. She _knows_ she has the power in the relationship, he needs her. More importantly, Elijah is capable of gettings things done, he's turning out to be just the man she needs. For now, she's ready to recover Stefan and go through the motions, after all, that's what Elijah wants.

She isn't sure how Damon will react to her breaking a deal with Elijah, but a certain complacency is washing over her. It's a little nerve wrecking that Damon knows her darkest secrets, but not surprising, he's the type to see through her with or without her permission. When she was deliriously babbling, she almost confessed that he can't see what she needs because she lost herself. She needs to feel like a real person, before anything _real _can happen between them.

Anyway she looks at it, she's confined to Mystic Falls and responsible for _everyone_ she loves. It's a big burden to carry, but she doesn't have a choice. _With that said, she still wonders if they're all better off without her?_ Lately, it's the guilt of knowing that she's been causing so much distress that's making her lose sleep at night.

Maybe one day she'll runaway, without any warning, because she doesn't want to keep rotting from the inside out. She wants to be _'just'_ Elena Gilbert, sadly, that's someone she barely remembers. Being associated with Katherine and all things supernatural is more irritating than she ever shows it, she misses having a normal life with 'boring' human problems to worry about.

Sure... seeing Stefan again and maybe even having sex with him (sex makes her feel) will be something, but she knows it won't be enough for her - at least not in the long run. Being with Stefan only brings her fleeting moments of happiness. He makes misery _better_, but it was misery nonetheless. She knows they're not meant to be. _How can they be?_ He doesn't even know her, he's only ever met the 'damaged' Elena, when he got to her there was nothing left.

It's terrible to admit, even to herself, but it's the truth, the time will come when she'll leave town looking for good times. It just wasn't the right time to be selfish... she has to keep 'doing nothing and living' for them.

**The End**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS!**

_(I'm updating from 30K feet in the air on my American Airlines flight with WiFi. Hilarious dedication?)_**  
**

* * *

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own The Vampire Diaries. The use of script lines from 2x11 is for entertainment purposes. No profit is being made from this fan fiction._

_**That's it, guys!** I'll post the soundtrack for the story on my LiveJournal. User: junkyatbest_

_**It's nice you guys want to read the spin-off.** But another author published a running away story, this week? So now I'm kinda turned off to write a 'repeat' plot. Well, if I write the story, I'll wait until later in season two. I want the plot to diverge from a canon story-line (like Stelena breaking up or fighting). It would be Dark!Elena, but more in the reckless sense.  
_

_**Want more of my darker work?** Read 'Dark Was The Night, Cold Was The Ground'_

_**I'm a lover...** New-ish D/E authors I'd like to recommend, LoveEpicLove, greencrayon, & FairyTale87. _

_xoxo, S._


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